(Originally posted May 4, 2012)

There’s nothing like the Greatest Spectacle in Racing to make someone come out of (nonexistent) writing retirement. And apparently, there’s nothing like the Greatest Spectacle in Racing to make people turn on the sport, bitch up a storm and condemn everything in site.

Welcome to the month of May, race fans.

It’s been almost a year and half since I’ve written a race gIRL blog post. I really thought I was done. For the most part, my posts have been carefree race weekend picks that were tracked by no one and revered by less than tens of people.

This one shall be different. Parental warning: Explicit lyrics. I feel very strongly about this topic and therefore present to you a little post that I like to call…

QUITCHERBITCHIN’

I saw the following question on Curt Cavin’s blog recently:

“When do you think IndyCar packs it in and stops operations? Thirty-two cars? That’s like three horses showing up for the Kentucky Derby.”

I stared at this question for what must have been five minutes. In my head, I went all Roadrunner, pulling out a giant gavel, picturing this Mr. Joe Fan dude as Wyle E. Coyote, and whacking him. HARD. (Note: The old race gIRL would’ve made a “whacking him hard” joke here. Carry on.)

This, boys and girls, is a classic example of what is technically known as “absolute bullshit.” Maybe you know someone who suffers from this travesty. From real life, from a tweetup, or from the comfort of their anonymous profile on twitter, facebook or TrackForum (aka Where Negativity Goes to Fornicate).

I’m sure that YOU are not one of these Negative Nancies, because the race gIRL readers are badass. But if you know someone who matches the description above, I encourage you to ask this “fan” the following three questions:

Are you effing kidding me?! (Okay, maybe skip to #2)
Do you feel that your complaining is helping to solve the problem?
What are YOU doing to be part of the solution?

From the very first time I heard those magical words: “Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines,” this sport has hooked me and I’ll never look back. (I’m quite confident that you can relate because, as I mentioned, you’re badass.) I’ve learned over the years that this sport isn’t perfect, but not once have I ever even considered saying some of the things that these so-called “fans” are putting out there.

Yessir, packing it in IS the answer. Let’s just throw in the towel and go home. 32 cars?! Dear God… this must be the end. There will never be another “glory day.” Every race is boring now. What are the people in charge doing? Let’s never again experience the magic of the Indianapolis 500. We need to stop the balloon launch cuz balloons are for kids. Pork tenderloin is yucky and puppies aren’t cute. Damn kids, get off my lawn.

EPIC. FAIL. Grumpy bastards.

One final question for our friends who love to hate: Do you have all the information? If you do, then please feel free to continue telling the world how things should be done. Let everyone know the secret: who should be doing what, when, where and why. We’re all dying to know because then our beloved sport, which would be doomed without your apparent knowledge, will be able to thrive again… like most of us are excited (and hopeful) to see. But we can’t do it without you, so thanks in advance for your help.

*slams gavel*